Heaviness

I've been sitting here for 45 minutes trying to figure out how to start this entry tonight. There are a number of things that have been weighing heavily on my heart the past few weeks and I just want to share them here...just to vent, to spread awareness and to elicit prayers for anyone out there who may feel compelled.

As some of you are already aware, or may be able to tell from my blog list, I follow a blog called Matt, Liz & Madeline (http://www.mattlogelin.com) and it is AWESOME. I discovered this blog when I was pregnant last summer and spent four hours straight reading it, learning all about (obviously) Matt, Liz and Madeline. I've followed it nearly every day since. I encourage you to check out this site, but long story short, Matt is a widower, who's wife (Liz) died 27 hours after giving birth to their first child (Madeline). He is a truly amazing man and father, and has dealt with his loss and challenge of being a single father to a newborn with strength and a ridiculous amount of courage. His blog makes me smile, laugh uncontrollably (he is completely hysterical) and sob like a baby. To top it off he has started The Liz Logelin Foundation which collects donations to help support other families who face crisis like his. He is awesome. If you haven't checked out his blog you need to.

Wow, got a little off track there. So I was checking in on Matt's blog about a week ago when he posted an entry about a friend of his. A woman named Heather. A woman who just lost her child. Her 1 1/2 year old little girl, also named Madeline, or Maddie as they call her. Heather has a blog too at http://www.remembermaddie.com and when I read this on Matt's page I went and read about Maddie. And it totally ripped my heart out. It's a really long story, but basically Maddie was very premature when she was born and has had to live with various lung problems and other issues (it's all on the site) but a couple weeks ago, out of nowhere she came down with a fast-acting lung infection and she died. She freaking died. I am starting to cry typing this as I have many times in the past few weeks thinking of her and Heather and Maddie's dad, Mike. Please read the blog...this is an astounding family and my heart is aching for them. Saturday the 25th they had been preparing for the March of Dimes 5K; their goal was to raise $3000....the total ended up being over $50,000. Heather also did a speech at the walk (also on her page) that was one of the most courageous and heart-wrenching things I've ever read. I read page after page of her entries, and I just sit here totally and completely helpless. I donated money to the cause, but really, that didn't quench the need I feel right now to help...and yet I have no idea how. I could email her, and tell her I'm praying for them and that my heart goes out to them, but it would only be one of thousands who've done it before me...and does that really help? I have been a prayer warrior for her and the family, and shed tears almost every day since I read it but the helpless feeling lingers. So I'm putting this out here for everyone to read...please check out her site, if you have the means to donate to the March of Dimes, please do.

There is actually a couple other things on my mind I want to share but it's getting late and I don't want this to be too long so I will save it for next time. One thing I do want to mention is a 10K walk I am doing this Sunday at Goodale Park. It's the Great Strides walk for Cystic Fibrosis and I am so excited to be participating. My co-worker and friend, Melissa, has a 9 month old little girl named Lauren who was diagnosed with CF right after she was born. She is adorable, sweet, funny and so full of personality and it tears me up when I think about how she is sick. Not too many people know about CF, but it is a lung disease that is very serious and it does not have a cure at this time. (Check out http://www.cff.org if you want more info). Melissa has AMAZED me with the way she has handled Lauren's diagnosis. Ian and Lauren are 2 months apart, so obviously we shared our pregnancy experiences together, and now that we both have infants, we share our stories and frustrations as new moms all the time:) But Melissa has to deal with much more than I could ever imagine; there are so many breathing treatments, meds, enzymes, special feeding schedules etc. that she has to juggle. Worst is the emotional aspect...knowing Lauren's prognosis breaks my heart to pieces...to see Melissa cry sometimes knowing that the odds are she will most likely outlive her daughter just makes me ache for her. She is so strong, she has been from the very beginning and it blows me away. I think of Ian, if it were him, and I feel nauseous by the idea, I can't even imagine what I would do if it were a reality. And yet for Melissa it IS a reality. It is her life and she has to deal with knowing the truth each and every day when she looks at her daughter.

So we are doing the walk...as the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation says...they want to make CF stand for Cure Found. I'm trying to do my part, however little it may be. Please think of us on Sunday...if anyone is interested and want to donate my page is http://www.cff.org/Great_Strides/MichelleHawley or you can just go to the CF page above and go to "Great Strides" and enter my name as a walker. Melissa has thrown herself into this cause, and I am so proud of her, not only for this walk but for the way she has handled the whole situation that is her life. She says a lot "Life is 10% what you're given and 90% how you react to it". I pray for that attitude. So we're walking and I'm praying and praying. God weeps with us when these things happen...He carries us.

Thanks for reading:)