'You have always had the power, my dear, you have had it all along'

'You have always had the power, my dear, you have had it all along'

Wednesday, July 15, 2015

Trust the Process

You're never going to lose the weight.

When are you ever going to be successful at something?

You should have learned a healthier way to eat a long time ago, it's too late now.

You might as well eat whatever you want today, you're not getting anywhere anyway.

You fail at most things, why would this be any different?
 
Why is everything always so hard?  


Yep, these are all thoughts that come to me as I stand looking at a scale that won't go down.  I've been working really hard but things numbers-wise aren't cooperating and that has had my motivation waning the last day or two.  I talked with my trainer/friend this morning and I feel a lot better (I also promised to avoid the scale for a bit), but I've spent a lot of time today reflecting on why I put so much importance on the number on the scale.  I can tell I am building muscle, especially in my arms and legs, and I wore a shirt a few days ago that used to be way too small, so I know I am making progress.  You can't exercise and eat the way I am without becoming more fit.  It's just fact.  I don't why the numbers won't show it, but I have to trust the process and trust that my body will show the results even if the scale won't.  

Earlier today I watched the latest episode of Extreme Makeover.  I have mixed feelings about shows like that, but just seeing such a huge change in people is really motivating to me, so I watch.  The woman on this episode had her breakthrough when she stopped viewing herself as a victim.  It resonated with me, because I realized that that is my problem too.  All those thoughts that run through my head when I'm disappointed by the scale (or a friend, or my kids, or anything!) are just pathetic!  Everyone goes through things in their lives that aren't easy.  Everybody has rough patches but the fact of the matter is, life goes on!  You can't change the past but I'll tell you one thing you have control over and that is your future!  I have to put my confidence in MYSELF and not in a stupid piece of plastic and metal.  I CAN (and will) succeed on this journey, and I refuse to let that little victim voice in my head tell me that I can't.  I am not who I used to be, and I like this girl a lot more than the old one. ;)


Thursday, July 9, 2015

Ready

I know I'm really bad about keeping this blog updated; I always plan to get more active with it and then never get around to doing it.  But I am trying to change that!  Thanks to anyone taking the time to read, despite how sporadic I am.

Started the year off at an all time high of 265.6.  Crazy!  Spent the last 6 months or so up and down the same 10 pounds, getting serious for a bit and then throwing in the towel for awhile.  The first time I was really successful at weight-loss (before the year from hell) I can't tell you what initiated it.  I was just sick of it.  Something inside me told me it was time.  And with strength from God I stepped up and I did it (it's the only explanation for me being able to actually start to change..I definitely couldn't do it on my own).  I lost 70 pounds and I was healthy and strong!  It wasn't a bad picture that set me off, a rude comment or a pair of jeans that didn't fit, something inside me just switched.  And for a long time I did awesome...nothing was going to get me off track.  But then life happened, and I allowed myself to make excuses (when instead I should have been using healthy food and exercise as a therapy through it all!) and before I knew it, it was January 2015 and I had gained back every single pound plus a few.

I am so pumped right now because a couple of weeks ago, I think that switch was flipped again.  I just felt ready, like it was time to step it up.  So I started tracking again on My Fitness Pal, and I really started hitting the gym hard.  I've been doing 2 pilates sessions and 2 training sessions a week, but I wasn't doing a lot of cardio.  So I added treadmill work every day.  Some days I just walk at a decent pace 4-5 miles, some days I crank up the incline, and some days I try to get back to my running (today I was able to run 5K!!!!  And in 49 minutes!  Which I know is slow to some but to me that is awesome!!).  Going every day might seem a little much but you know what?  I have spent the majority of my life being lazy.  Most of the days of my life have been rest days, and that is what got me to where I am today!  So for the last couple weeks I have worked my butt off and my eating and water has been on point.  I've cut out the sugar and a lot of the carbs as well as the soda.  I'm actually really loving my veggies!  What?!?

So that's where I'm at right now.  I weighed in this morning at 249, so I'm at 16.6 pounds and counting.  It probably would be more but I discovered this week that my hypothyroid was screwed up again so I had to increase my meds. In a week or two that will regulate and the weight loss will be a bit easier.  I can already tell a difference in my waist, arms and legs (a lot of that is the PT I've been doing...she kicks my ass!) but most of all, I just FEEL better.  I'm calmer, happier, less anxious.  And proud.  I am really proud of how hard I am working.  I MISSED that feeling!

I post a lot on Instagram to help hold myself accountable but I want to do more updates here too. There have been so many people that have been so inspiring to me, so many that continue to be incredibly supportive.  I am so thankful for that and I hope that someday I can be that person for someone too.