Bump in the Road...

So I don't know if I've mentioned it on here, but I planted a garden a few months ago. It's been really fun tending to it and picking tomatoes and peppers and such. So far I've gotten a few tomatoes, some grape tomatoes, a couple green peppers, basil and a ton of jalapenos, tomatillos and hot chiles. I also planted some zucchini and squash but haven't had a lot of luck with those. Was hoping for lots of sauteed zucchini this summer but maybe next year I guess. But I digress.

A few days ago I was out picking some veggies from the garden. It was actually my biggest gather yet, and I was really excited! As you can see in the picture, I constructed a fence around the garden because in the first few weeks after planting, something kept eating all the buds. Well, in trying to step over the fence to bring the veggies back to the house my heel caught the edge of the wire and I fell. Hard.

Immediately I felt awful pain in my wrist. The wind got knocked out of me and I felt like I might pass out. Luckily I had my cell phone on me so immediately I called my friend who lives nearby...and even more luck..Ian was still napping upstairs in his crib at that time. My friend came over to get Ian and Jeff came home and took me to the ER as my wrist was throbbing horribly and was swelling up pretty good.

So my wrist is broken. I knew it when I was laying in the yard rolling around in a pile of smashed tomatoes crying (I'll let you picture that for a moment...done laughing? Ok, read on;) It just hurt too bad to not be broken. Despite all the annoyance of having one hand instead of two (for example, this post is taking 3x as long to write as it should) I am more upset about my training. My first thought was that...how will I box? How will I lift weights? How will I do push ups or learn to use the prowler? I had an almost immediate sense of panic and sadness. I know it doesn't seem like too big a deal in the big picture, but for someone that is working so hard and is dedicating so much time to doing everything I can to getting healthy and fit, this is a huge setback.

So I called Mandy that night. If anyone in my life knows what I'm feeling right now it's her. A couple months into training me, Mandy was taking her level up test for Krav Maga and tore her ACL and Meniscus. She had major surgery to repair it and has gone through months of recovery. I needed to talk to her. She definitely helped lift my spirits. She gave me a huge pep talk and reminded me that in the end, this just adds more to my story. An obstacle that gives me more to be proud of in the end. So that is what I am trying to focus on through all of this. I see a hand surgeon on Tuesday to most likely get my regular cast applied (right now I have a plaster splint cast) and to find out how long it will have to stay on.

It's definitely an everyday challenge. It's hard for me to not just say screw it, and stop going to the gym, and start eating whatever, and just stop. But I'm not going to. I'm keeping on my routine, even if it means changing up my training and doing more pilates and cardio and such until I can use my arm again. It's hard to not let it get in my head. I laid down on the reformer for my pilates PT last week and just couldn't help but start crying because all I wanted to do or thought I should be doing was boxing or kicking ass on the TRX. And all I hear in my head is that I'm going to end up gaining everything back and getting weak (oh my gosh, how weak will this arm be in 5 weeks!!! UGH!) again. But I know that is ridiculous because I refuse to let that happen. Even if I have to cry and break down once and awhile in the process. Because that's what it is. A process. And this is just a bump in the road...one that I will get past and one that will make me even stronger.

Update in Pictures:)

It's been a busy couple of weeks and to be honest I'm tired!! But all good things at least:) First, we had a bunch of work done on our house and it is finally completed. I LOVE it...it was totally worth the money, time and anxiety. Check it out...

New floors..


New appliances (minus the new fridge)...


Not too shabby! I'm so glad it's done. We basically had to stay upstairs while they were doing the work (about 2 weeks long) and keeping Ian upstairs all day and evening was no simple task.

Speaking of Ian, we're getting ready to start preschool next month. I can't even believe it's time for that kind of thing...I was so excited about it this summer but now that it's getting closer I'm getting kind of emotional. The truth is, I take him to Mangos (my friend's childcare center) twice a week anyway when I'm at the gym, and his preschool will be those exact same two days...so really not much is changing except he'll be there about an hour longer. Honestly I guess it's just the fact that he is getting so big and that's hard sometimes. I miss my little baby! But luckily there are so many awesome things about him growing up that it keeps me from getting TOO sad...he's talking so much, saying the funniest things, asking the most hilarious questions, it's all so entertaining:) I'm so grateful to have been blessed with this amazing little boy. Man, I love this kid:)







I'm going to write another post soon about this, but I had a great surprise last week. Jeff whisked me away for a surprise weekend trip to Chicago!! It was my first time there and I absolutely LOVED it. I will post more pics soon, but here's a sneak peak;)





I've been keeping up my workouts/boxing/pilates and I'm feeling pretty good. I went shopping at Lane Bryant the other day and I actually only found 1 shirt that looked good on me...all the rest I tried were too big! It was awesome. I am pulling old clothes out of the drawers that I haven't worn in forever, buying workout clothes in regular stores again, and my capris from last summer and this past spring are too big to wear..they look pretty ridiculous. It's a really nice feeling:)

So when I won the 90 Day Challenge Mandy told me I should write a little essay about my story (how I came to Lifetime, losing the weight, all the new workout stuff I've been doing, etc.) and submit it to Lifetime's website for their success stories. Well, I did, and not only did they post it, but they featured it on their main success story page. I couldn't believe it!!! I'm so proud:) If you would like to read it here's the link: http://lifetime-weightloss.com/success-stories/category/dublin-oh

So of course Mandy was especially proud of me. She had told me so a million times and even shared my story with her colleagues. A week or so later I came in for my 6 AM TEAM Weight Loss class and as soon as I came up the steps to walk towards my treadmill I saw this:



She had completely decorated my treadmill with streamers and balloons and a big "Congratulations Michelle!" sign. There was also a card signed by her and a bunch of the other trainers. I was SOOOO touched I teared up. She had been planning it since the 90 day results came out...I was so surprised! It was seriously one of the sweetest things anyone has ever done for me. I'm so lucky to have so much support in this journey. When I think of what my life was like last year and what it looks like today, it just blows me away. I am so blessed.

Motivation #2

So there are a lot of mantras I follow these days...some come from Mandy, some come from my pastor, and some I just pick up here and there. They really speak to me...I try to spend a little time each day focusing on some of them. Here are a few that really help me out, especially on tough days:)


- Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal...but nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude. Whether you think you can or can't, you're right.

- Vision without action is merely a dream. Action without vision just passes the time. Vision with action can change the world.

- Where you're going is far more important than where you've been.

- Aerodynamically, the bumblebee shouldn't be able to fly, but the bumblebee doesn't know that so it goes on flying anyway.

- Don't let what you can't do stop you from doing what you can do.

- Don't let yesterday rob you of today.

- You will never change your life until you change something you do everyday.

- Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

- Only a fool walks into the future looking backwards.

- Champions aren't made in the gym. Champions are made from something they have deep inside them- a desire, a dream, a vision.

- The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do.

- Stop being a victim and start being a victor.

- When I hear someone sigh, 'life is hard', I am always tempted to ask "Compared to what?"


And finally one of my absolute favorites...

- Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.

Oh, how true is that:)

What a feeling:)

So I've been meaning to write for a week or so and just haven't gotten to it. But TODAY was such a big important day that I just had to make an entry.

So it's July 9th. If you've read my posts from last year, you know that last fall I signed up for a 90 day challenge at the gym. I was deadset on winning and for a while I was doing really well. I stopped writing sometime in August I think, and in September everything went downhill. Jeff turned 31, then my mom threw a big party for my 30th birthday, and then we had a huge blowout for Ian's 2nd birthday. With all the festivities, I gained a pound or two back and got so frustrated that I ended up quitting and not finishing the challenge. I steadily gained weight back through the rest of the year and ended up at my highest weight of 261 when I walked back into the gym to meet with Mandy on January 9th, 2011.

A little over 3 months ago, during one of our sessions, Mandy asked if I had heard about the 90 day Spring challenge coming up. I said yes, I had, and that I had done the last 90 day challenge and dropped out... She interupted me and said, "Well, you're doing this one and you're going to do awesome and you're going to finish". I was nervous and not really looking forward to it because my weight loss is so slow going (which is totally OK but not conducive to winning a challenge like that). But the entire time she kept telling me it's not about winning, it's about doing the best I can for myself.

SOOOOO, today was 90 days. I had my official weigh "out" today. Drum roll.................I lost 23.6 pounds!!!!! I am so thrilled with myself:) I don't know where I placed yet but I know it's up there pretty good. I know I didn't win but I am SO proud of finishing and of doing so well. And on top of all this good stuff, today is my 6 month point w/ Mandy. Since I started with her/the gym I have lost a total of 33 pounds! AND the icing on the cake is that I went shopping yesterday and bought a pair of 16 pants. My old pants are size 22. That is THREE sizes people. Give it up! hehe:) SO ok, they were Gloria Vanderbuilt brand which runs big, but STILL. It doesn't start with a 2!

So it was a big exciting day for me. I'll let the pictures show you how happy I am. I am so blessed to finally be getting my life back.

So here is me almost exactly a year ago.....


And here is today...... :)


I'm getting there baby!!

Free

So the last few days I've spent some time reading over some of my past posts, as well as looking over and changing some of the pictures, descriptions, etc. on the main page of this site. If I'm honest, seeing how I described myself and looking at the old pictures I had up kind of embarrasses me. I have spent so much time dwelling on the past that it makes me sick. I'm not denying it, I own it, I wrote it and it's how I felt. But viewing my life that way was holding me back.

In my last entry I mentioned that the best thing Mandy has taught me so far is that it doesn't matter what I USED to be. A year ago I could safely say I probably thought about my "skinny days" nearly every day. I carried pictures of myself of when I was thin (for motivation....or was it to prove to people that I actually COULD look good...as least I did at one point!?), I obsessed over it, thought about it all the time. And while some of those thoughts did motivate, overall they basically took a metaphorical sledgehammer to any self-esteem, confidence or optimism I had for the path I was on.

I realized the other day that it has been weeks, maybe months, since I looked at old pictures, or thought about what I 'used' to be. Instead I've had nothing but excitement for what I am becoming. I'm finally able to picture myself healthy, at a healthy weight, doing healthy things. When I look in the mirror and I see definition on my arms, or a I see a muscle starting to become more noticable on my legs....THAT is my motivation. That is what excites me, pushes me, makes me hopeful and optimistic. It makes me know that I can change, that I AM changing. It's not a picture from 13 years ago...it's reality standing right in front of me. And it is so freeing.

Dear Blog

Dear blog, it's been almost a year since my last post. :) And what a year it's been! To recap everything would take pages and pages so I'll just mention the important stuff. My sweet wonderful boy is now almost 3 years old...I'll write a post just about him soon, but for now I'll just say this: I think I am finally 'getting' this motherhood thing. Being a mom is the hardest thing in the entire world, and I feel like I struggled (and still do quite often) so much with patience, understanding, empathy, and just HOW to be a good mom. But I think I am finally catching on. And I'm actually kinda loving it:) Here's a pic of my sweet little man for your viewing pleasure! Did I mention he LOVES stickers?




So my life looks a lot different than it did a year ago. In January something came over me and I decided that if I was ever going to get healthy again I needed to really commit to a better lifestyle. So I sent an email to Lifetime (my gym) and asked to be set up with a personal trainer. This is how I met Mandy. I was SO scared to walk into that gym and meet her (think near panic attack). Our first session was insane for me. On top of being just outright embarrassed for the way I looked in my workout clothes, all hot and sweaty, I actually literally fell over trying to do lunges. We could only get through half of the workout she had planned, and for the next couple of days I thought I would die from soreness. But I showed up to meet her again. And again. And since January 9th, I have met with her 3x a week nearly every week. I've also recently joined her 6AM TEAM WeightLoss cardio/strength training class. So we see each other 6 times a week. She is the most positive, encouraging, understanding, motivating and kind trainer and I am SOOOO thankful that I was matched with her. Working out has become fun and something I am actually starting to crave when I miss it. Food is becoming less important to me and I'm finding myself thinking about it less and less. I am starting to like myself again. I still have my bad days but I am starting to be able to look at the good and what I have acomplished instead of what I haven't, and what I have yet to do. In the past almost 6 months I:

- have been to the gym almost every single day except Sundays
- have learned how to stop eating when I start feeling full
- have realized that no food is ever off limits and I don't have to deprive myself
- have way more energy than I have had in years
- don't get out of breath nearly as easily as I did before
- don't have any chest pains:)
- play with Ian so much more, carry him around so much more, pick him up more, on and on:)
- recognize/say hi to the trainers/gym peeps and they recognize/say hi to me and ask how I'm doing
- have joined a TEAM class....I have NEVER participated in a workout class in my life!
- have learned to listen to my body more
- have noticed muscle definition in my arms and legs
- am so much stronger!
- have learned and regularly do lunges, reverse lunges, lateral lunges, lunges on the BOSU ball......(I FELL 6 months ago people!!;)
- am wearing clothes I haven't worn in a long time
- have entered another 90 day challenge and am currently at 4th place with 4 weeks left (I dropped out of the last one!)
- don't hate the way I look anymore!
- have dropped a pant size and 2 shirt sizes
- have lost almost 30 pounds
- am almost (2 more pounds!!!) back to the weight I was when I got pregnant with Ian
- am not fearful of the gym anymore
- eat like a normal person!!
- am doing exercises that I never thought I would be able to do
- do 35 lb barbell rows and deadlifts (may not seem like a lot, but compared to where I started!)
- have learned never to judge a certain exercise I see as too hard or too easy before I try it myself
- have realized that this is a lifestyle, not a temporary thing, not a chore, not a passing challenge. It's for life.
- The most important thing Mandy has taught me: It doesn't matter what I USED to be. It matters what I am now and where I am going.

I have a really long way to go but I feel so much better about myself, about life, and my future than I have in years. I weighed 234 on the scale this morning and I am so proud to say that. I started in January at 261 and I will never see that number again. The support from my family and friends and my relationship with Mandy has changed my outlook and attitude in a way that has saved my life.