When you're ready to be done with this....you'll be done

Confession time. I have fallen, yet again, off the wagon. I've been struggling SO bad I can't even stand it, and to be honest, I've been dreading posting on here as I am embarrassed and was not looking forward to sharing my failure with everyone (it's always easier to deny you're screwing up when no one knows about it!;) But then I had a little discussion with myself and realized that this blog is ABOUT sharing my failure:) And my successes too of course, but we can't succeed all the time...journeys have hills and valleys and you don't get to the destination without enduring it all along the way. So here I am...a few pounds heavier but here nonetheless.

Have had some really good conversations with a couple awesome friends in the past few days and have gained some serious wisdom. Today I was hanging out with one of my best friends- she has struggled with some of the same issues as me. She has always been unbelievably supportive of me (as are so many of my friends...I am so blessed!!!) and we had a conversation about this whole struggle I've been having. She told me about a situation in her life she was struggling through and someone told her "When you're ready to be done with this...you'll be done with it". I've been letting those words sink in the past few hours. Can it be that I just have not been "ready" to be done with this weight battle? The gut instinct is for one to say, of course I am ready to be done with it! Can't you see how frustrated I am? But truly, maybe I haven't been ready. Yes, there is genetics, yes there is my thyroid condition, and the addiction of food, but really, when you truly are ready to be done with it, you'll be done. We've all read the articles in the magazines where someone lost half their body weight; one day they just woke up, found the strength within themselves, and decided that they were done with being fat. My friend is at that place now and she is doing so wonderful losing weight...I think this is true..you can have all the obstacles in the world, the deck stacked totally against you, but if you decide it's time, nothing has the power to stop you..there are no excuses.

Another conversation I had was with someone I also look up to so much...he has lost almost 100 pounds...it is truly inspiring. It's been a long process, he has changed all his habits...stopped drinking soda, started packing lunch, stopped eating fast food, etc. etc. and he looks incredible. He's one of my best friends and has always been there to listen to me (usually to listen to me bitch about something or other ;) This topic came up...his success totally inspires me and I was asking for his insight. He made a lot of good suggestions, but one thing he said really stuck out to me. I was whining about all the crappy ways that my weight effects my life and when I was done, he said (in a nice way), if it makes you so miserable you would think that that would give you the drive to do something about it. It's so true...I hate how I feel, I hate how I look, I have no clothes that fit, I am constantly embarrassed of myself, the list goes on and on, and yet, I haven't made any long-term changes or eliminated any of my bad habits. So what do I expect? I will continue to be miserable if I don't change. I have no excuses..I am this way because I allowed myself to become this way, and I remain in this state because I have made no long-term life changes. That's all there is to it. When I am ready to be done with this, I will be done. I will wake up in the morning, find within myself the strength and willpower that I need, and be done with being fat. I pray that morning is tomorrow.