Ready

Ahhh a new year...can't believe how fast 2012 flew by.  Luke turned 7 months old yesterday!  How did that happen!?

The last couple weeks of December found me a few pounds up, but still pretty much around the same spot I was in when Luke was born.  Still down a total of almost 30 pounds.  While I was a little disappointed in myself for letting those few pounds creep back on, (I had lost the baby weight and was holding at where I was when I got pregnant for awhile) I still was happy it wasn't worse and still confident I am headed on the right track!

The last week or so I was really spending some time meditating on my goals for this year.  I am in an ongoing journey to grow my relationship with my husband, my kids and especially with God.  This will be lifelong and I am constantly trying to make progress in those areas.  I want to be a better wife, a better mom and I want to grow closer and more obedient to God.  He wants the best for me and has a plan for me and I am trying to listen and follow His direction. 

When I started with Mandy in 2011 I felt hopeless and completely empty of any confidence.  I felt like it was a last ditch effort and walking into that gym took all the strength that I had.  In working with her I gained so much....going into that gym everyday started to change me.  I started to get some confidence back.  I started to believe that I could finally lose this weight and be the person I am supposed to be.  After 4-5 months I was able to stop taking my anti-anxiety/depression medication which I had been on for over 8 years.  I grew into a happier, more positive and confident person.  Those voices that screamed such awful things at me for so long finally were quieted.  I stopped making fun of myself.  I stopped insulting myself.  I learned to love myself again. 

Two years have passed and I am still down (as of Dec 30th) 29 pounds.  Sure, I was at about 40 at one point but I am cutting myself some slack being that I had a baby and all. ;)  (That fact not bothering me is clearly a sign of positive change!!)  I am so proud of where I am.  I am still off my medication.  I had a baby and had almost NO postpartum issues after his birth, which is something I struggled SO much with after Ian.  I very very rarely get down in the dumps about my weight and I barely remember the insults I used to run through over and over again in my head about myself.  I think back to where I started and it is finally clear to me.  God put me there that day.  He put Mandy there and He steered me on this path.  He changed my mind and my heart to see my value and worth. 

I have a long way to go on this journey.  On Dec. 30th I weighed in at 232.  In looking at what I want to accomplish this year I know that this is meant to be my focus.  I made a list of my specific goals (I'll post them soon) but ultimately 2013 is my year to continue this journey and build myself into the person I am meant to be.  I am not writing this with the belief that I will do this easily, that I will not struggle or that I will be perfect.  It will not be easy, I will definitely have struggles and I can never be perfect but I am going to be committed.  For almighty God, for my amazing husband, for my beautiful beautiful boys, and for me.  Because I am worth it.