Mish-Mash of Catch Up (including some actual fitness stuff! Can you believe it?)

So much to catch up on.  Going to try to not make this too long as I'm exhausted and I have a cross stitch I am itching to get back at. (yep, I said cross stitch).

1.  My little baby started kindergarten!!  How is this freaking possible????  I feel like I'm living in the twilight zone.  But I will tell you, I DIDN'T CRY!  I think it's because he's at the same place he was last year and is still all day just like last year, but still!  I am so proud of how well he is adjusting this first week.  His teacher seems to be sweet as pie and I love her to death already.  I'm excited for this year and what growth it will bring in him!

2.  Monday, I will be walking back into the gym and meeting with my old trainer/friend Jami.  I was recently reminded that I still had some sessions on my account so I am going to use them.  With the ridiculous amount of money we have had to put into the house we can't really afford to pay for PT right now so I am so blessed to realize I have a dozen to use.  We are starting with cardio since I can barely walk half a mile without being winded with a sore back, and will add some pilates in to strengthen my core.  I am just about as heavy as I was when I first walked into the gym so long ago to meet with Mandy, so this is a hard, embarrassing, humbling step for me.  But I love Jami and it helps to have a friend to be stepping back into this journey with, so I am ready.  And honestly, I'm not throwing a pity party about it.  Thanks to God and a lot of awesome friends and support in my life, I am learning to love myself so matter what.  So like I've said before, it happened, now I have to fix it.  No use crying over spilled milk!!  I am working to overcome too many other things right now to worry about feeling sorry for myself about my weight.  It will feel SO weird to get back at this fitness journey...it's been so long since I've been dedicated but I am excited for it.  I hate starting this all over, but like Jami said the other day, the beginning is always a good place to start! :)  Get ready everyone!! I am ready to kick some major butt.  PLUS two bits of extra motivation...I went clothes shopping for our Chicago weekend next month and had to buy RIDICULOUS sizes.  Ticked me off SO bad to spend so much money buying new clothes (I donated all the old 'big' ones because "I'm never going to be that size again!!" LOL) when I have a whole closet of awesome hot clothes that I just CAN'T FIT!!  GRRRR!!  AND, we just booked a cruise vacation for February 26th and I SWEAR to you that I will be 100% comfortable with my body by then.  I won't be at my ultimate goal obviously, but I will be a lot closer, a lot healthier and more fit.  There is a hike in the Dominican Republic that I am dying to do but you have to be in good shape.  I WILL be doing that hike.
Get ready friends!!!  I am back at this like never before! ;)

3.  Lastly, and most importantly, on Sunday August 10th I was rebaptized.  On my 25th birthday I was baptized and it really did mean a lot to me.  But I was young in my walk with the Lord, and while I was making a statement, I don't think I truly understood the magnitude of what a decision like that meant.  I am in SUCH a different place now, and have been working on overcoming/defeating SUCH different things.  I have been feeling led to be rebaptized for a few weeks now and there were several signs Sunday that it was time.  My husband wasn't even there and only a couple close friends were able to witness it, it was such a spontaneous thing...if I would have known I would have told the whole world! :)  The past year has led me to a place with God where there is no turning back and this was my final surrender to Him.  I have felt his love pouring out on me in so many ways throughout the trials I've had the past year (in seemingly unbelievable miraculous ways!!), and this was something I needed to do.  I am so proud, and so blessed, and so completely consumed in His grace and love.  No matter what happens I know that as long as I am walking with Him, things will always be okay.

So those are the three biggest things going on with me lately.  Well, and they house.  They are almost done with the patio so fingers crossed, our water problem will hopefully be totally resolved really soon.  Definitely excited for that!

Thanks my friends for reading this, for being out there and being a support in so many different ways.  I am thankful for each and every one of you!!!!

(Could I ever write a short post for once?  Geesh! :)  )

The Next Right Step

Pace quickens, panic begins
things suddenly worse than they've ever been...
Heart is racing, stomach turns
Thoughts are flying of what I might learn.

The fine line of reality quickly gets blurry,
As I frantically search for relief to my fury...
Somewhere deep inside a voice of reason whispers,
But an irrational giant stomps it out as they bicker.

On and on they fight as my tears start to fall,
A battle in my brain, the ultimate brawl.
Will there be elated relief as all is right with my world?
Or the sick pit of dread knowing what 'might' unfurl?

Time will be my answer,
As to the winner of this war...
Until the next spark of doubt,
Ignites it once more.

I wrote this in the very beginning of my struggle a few months ago.  This is, for me, the essence of my obsessions.  Fear of something so irrational; a fight in my mind between the truth and the lies, that I can't manage to grasp control of.  A fear that makes you wear earplugs in the lounge on your luxury cruise so that you don't hear people talking about potential snowstorms, a fear that makes you ask complete strangers questions that *just might* help convince you things are okay, a fear that makes you obsess over your stupid idiotic basement when you are trying to enjoy a waterpark with your beautiful children, or a fear that makes you get down on your knees in the middle of JFK and pray to the Lord for good weather.  I am so thankful that I have God on my side and that I am learning better ways to cope, respond, handle, and move forward but it is definitely a day by day (sometimes minute to minute) process.  A tough part lately I have found is that even when I can gain control and take authority over these fears, I may feel physical relief (my stomach stops hurting, my heart stops racing) but often I am left with a sadness, almost a depression, that is very hard to overcome.  I will be honest and say that some days I just feel like crying all day long (like today :) ).  Luckily I am blessed with amazing friends whose open arms definitely give me relief and a sense of love and reality to all this. 

I would like to say I can read my Bible, say my prayers, take my medicine and tell myself it's okay and BOOM, the thoughts and depression are gone.  But I am on a journey and it is not a simple road.  Some days will be much harder than others but I refuse to live in my misery for the rest of my life and I refuse to allow this crap to steal my life from me.  This is my battle to fight, and with the armor of God, the love of my friends and the strength in my heart I will eventually be victorious; I just have to take the right step.  And then the one after that. 

What if blessings come in raindrops...

When I was in school I always wanted to be a writer.  I wrote poetry, journals, prose, really anything that was on my mind.  For awhile I even planned to major in English and eventually become a professor.  It would come in ebbs and flows, but I always wrote more when I was in a negative place in my life...it was just a way to get all those feelings out.  As years have passed I've gotten away from my writing.  Time, responsibilities and circumstances have changed my priorities and I find myself more often than not struggling to find the right words when I DO want to sit down and get my feelings out. 

I have wanted to write this post for a few weeks now but have found it hard to put into words.  And honestly, hard to even talk about.  But here I am and I want to share it because I truly feel like it will really help me in this process.  And who knows, maybe someone out there is like me and needing to know they are not alone. :)

So I shared on my last update the struggles I have been having with my anxiety and OCD.  Well friends, I would like to say that things just magically cleared up after I figured things out but instead everything kind of just went in the other direction.  I don't want to make this post 100 years long but I'll just say that some more insane CRAP came up with the house and my obsessive thoughts and worries skyrocketed.  We are getting all these new things repaired and fixed and ultimately these issues aren't something to get so worked up about...really it's something that a 'normal' person would just be really irritated by, but tell that to my imbalanced brain.  Long story short, our issues have been all water-related, so every time it would rain I would go into a panic.  Like, heart racing, sweating, hysterical sobbing, lightheaded, hide-under-the-covers-all-day panic. 

I feel like I should share that I grew up with mental illness in my family.  I don't want to get into it but let's just say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, and in my family's case no treatment has ever really been sought.  So I've seen the long term effects, repercussions, hurt, pain and torture this can do to a person. 

This brings me to my other part of the problem.  When I would get into a panic, and start constantly obsessing over something, the logical part of me would finally, mercifully take over and remind me that it would be okay, everything would work out (sometimes this would be a result of me asking my husband or friends over and over to reassure me or sometimes it would take me checking certain spots of the basement over and over....).  But then as soon as I felt the relief, I also felt the stabbing fear of familiarity of my youth, a fear of what I know I could easily become and what my life could potentially look like.  It is scary (or a gift?) to actually have been able to see a picture of your potential future.  On one hand it offers you a glimpse of the path that you then know you have to try not to follow, but on the other it gives you a fear of what could happen if it sucks you in.  So I would panic about something, finally find some relief only to be replaced with a different kind of worry about my future and who I truly am as a person.  It's a vicious cycle. 

I'm sorry this is so long, I just want to get all this out.  Thanks for listening if you're still with me at this point.

One morning after a particularly difficult night (one of several where I had contemplated just checking myself into a hospital....) I was talking to one of my best friends on the phone, started crying just out of pure sadness and fear and frustration, and she told me she was coming over and hung up on me LOL.  Now, I have a STRONG faith in God and I believe that this is NOT what he wants for me.  But at where I was that morning, I just honestly felt like I was not hearing Him in my life.  I felt so alone.  My friend came and we talked about this stuff, who I am in Him and what He wants for me.  We prayed and we read scripture out loud (take THAT Satan!) and I felt a lot better.  It opened my eyes to a path that I think I have been avoiding for a long time.  God wants me to get to know Him and who I am in Him.  He is not quiet during this struggle I'm having, he is holding me in His hands and crying with me.  I spent the next couple weeks processing the things we talked about, reading more scripture, sharing with my friends for support and talking with my counselor.  Some days I would have scripture scrawled along my arm just so I could see it at all times (which ironically one day washed away in the heavy rain we had...can I get a break?? LOL).  I also met with my pastor who was a TREMENDOUS help for me.  He is one of the most REAL, honest, down to Earth, caring and compassionate people I have ever known and I am SO thankful for him.  He gave me a huge amount of perspective with this situation.  He helped me realize that:

1. God has a purpose and a plan for me in this life.  I will NOT let this disease steal it from me!
2. I have this problem...it will NOT have me.
3. If my family member knew what I was going through (they are not aware and we don't really talk much) they would tell me to RUN in the other direction as fast as I can.  This for some reason really spoke to me...gives me more strength to fight.
4. This is giving me a new perspective on my family and their problems.  It is allowing me to begin a process of forgiveness, and a place sympathy and care instead of anger. 
5. God wants me to take care of myself.  Spiritually, mentally and physically.  God, my counseling and the gym will be my priorities.
6. I must renew my mind in Him.  This does not mean that I will be 'cured' or never worry or not have struggles anymore, but it will change the way I live and respond to them.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.  Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect."  Romans 12:1-2

So my friends, here I am today, beginning a new spiritual and physical journey.  I am beginning it with a mess in my head and a 255 or so on the scale but I am hopeful and positive.  Yes, I am 6 lbs away from my heaviest weight ever.  Yes, I checked the weather forecast this evening.  Yes, I cried a little today.  But I don't feel the hopeless, depressive blanket over me anymore.  I am beginning a battle and I will win it because I have God on my side.  And I have the MOST amazing friends and support system that anyone could EVER ask for.  To have someone see you at your lowest, craziest, most insane and hysterical point and still hug you and love you anyway is a feeling that tells me how truly blessed I am.

And tonight, when it rained, I thanked God for the stars behind the clouds.

It's a Beautiful Life

So I just sat here for an hour writing about all the things that have happened in the last year and deleted it all.  It just didn't seem like it was coming out right.  Too many details.  I need to get right to the point. 

I have gained a lot of weight.  Wednesday morning I was at 242.6.  Nope, you're not reading that wrong.  I am not going to sit here and give you a sob story or make excuses, nor am I beating myself up.  Yes, it makes me sad that I feel like I wasted my entire year last year and all the hard work I did, but nothing is a waste if you learn something from it.  All I can do is move on and chose to step forward in faith that I can refocus and that I will succeed at this journey no matter how long it takes. 

In the last year we have sold our old house and bought a new one.  Over the past several months we have had many issues come about in our new place that have caused major stress and anxiety.  It has cost us tens of thousands of dollars to repair these problems, and to be honest, with the kind of person I am, the mental toll of dealing with all this crap has been the worst part.  We did seek legal advice and I won't get into details other than to say we kind of ended up with the short end of the stick with the whole situation, but I am thankful that we had the capability to make the repairs we needed to make.  We are so blessed to have this roof over our heads and now that we are past this really rough patch I am excited to finally start making it feel like OUR home.

With selling the old place, we did a TON of work making it absolutely perfect for the new owners.  It was a LOT of work LOL.  Then we moved into this house, which I already explained how fun THAT was haha.  I had a really hard time dealing with everything going on.  In December, Jeff and I went on a cruise that should have been one of the absolutely most awesome vacations ever.  But I was just 'off' the whole trip.  My anxiety was through the roof over totally irrational things and long story short, I, in essence, ruined the whole trip for both of us.  When we got home things just got worse and worse until I honestly felt like I was going crazy.  I am not saying that sarcastically or jokingly, I truly felt the grip of insanity....it was what I imagined a mental breakdown would feel like.  I was so obsessed with the most irrational, crazy things and so anxious and worried over truly everything in my life, I could barely function.  It was a huge effort to get out of bed, and I am sure that if it weren't for my boys I would have been in bed every possible minute of the day.  I am SOOO thankful to God for my family and my awesome and wonderful friends because honestly I don't think I could have made it through all that without their support.  That state of mind coupled with the extreme CRAP going on in our new house, I just couldn't take it.  I just wasn't functioning in any kind of healthy way, so my husband and I decided that it was time to seek help.  It has been a couple of months now and I am happy to say I am feeling a million times better.  I am going to be honest here and share that I was diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (which I have somewhat always suspected) and with that comes the extreme anxiety.  I am taking medication now (wow, this post has gotten a lot more open than I planned it to be LOL.  But hey, I've never been one to hold back ;) ) and feel like I have my life back.  I have also gotten AMAZING support from my church and my pastor who really has helped me get past some issues I was dealing with.  I am so grateful to God for carrying me through this trial in my life, and so thankful for all the people in my life that were there to lift me up when I needed it. 

So here we are my friends.  Given all that, I'm okay that I gained weight.  I am not going to throw a pity party, and while I'm obviously not happy about it (who says, "Yay! I gained 40 pounds!!" haha :) )  I am going to forgive myself and move on.  I am thankful for this life I have been given.  I am thankful for my family and my awesome kids and my amazing friends.  I am thankful for this house.  I am thankful for the freedom I have to sit here and share all this with all of you.  I am thankful that I have another day to step back on this path and refocus on me and my health.  I am not perfect, but I will succeed at this in my own way, in my own time.  And I am thankful.

Getting my groove back!!

Ahhh I feel like there's so much to post about and not enough space here or time to post it! :) 

SOOO I'll start with the 90 Day Challenge.  Like I said in my last post, I won!!!!  At 35.2 pounds, 15.53%, lost,  I came in first place at my club, and 58th place nationally!  They did a little announcement at the gym's cafe the next week to announce the winner and it was so sweet because both my trainers came to be with me when they announced it, and my husband who was working out at the time came down too.  It was so nice to finally know! LOL I feel like that week took forever.  But I'm really proud of myself and so thankful to my trainer friends for helping, supporting and encouraging me through it all (trust me, I am NOT easy to handle sometimes haha!).  I'm also thankful for all my friends and family too the past few months for listening to me whine LOL and pushing me to keep going.  So excited to have won!  The title means the most to me but I also won a free eyebrow wax and haircut/style at the gym spa, as well as $250 gym bucks (I applied it to my son's swim lessons...6 months free woot woot!!).  So happy. :)

So since the challenge was over I haven't weighed myself more than once or twice, and that was just shortly after the 90 days was over.  I am not concentrating on the numbers for the time being....my trainers and I have made a plan to focus on my fitness levels.  Work on getting stronger, and getting faster!!  I did loosen up a bit on things and as a couple weeks passed, I really felt my motivation waning.  I think I was just going so hard and so strong for the challenge that by the time it was over I was totally burned out.  I was still working out, going to my sessions, doing cardio, trying to make good eating choices (I did give in a little here and there but not too horribly) but my heart wasn't in it completely.  It didn't have me too anxious, just kind of down in the dumps because I couldn't get back in the groove.  On top of that I have so much going on in life right now, between my son starting a new school, my baby's birthday, and trying to organize a million things to get the house ready to sell (what a nightmare!  Moving is the pits!) I've been kind of stressed out so focusing on fitness hasn't been at the top of my list.  I don't know WHAT it is lately but I have been so crazy emotional!  It is nuts!  I'm working through it but man, it has been a rough couple of weeks. 

So that brings me to today.  My friend asked me a while back if I'd like to do a Color Mania 5K with her and I agreed.  I have a Color Run 5K with my trainer in July so I thought this would be a good one to start with.  Jami and I have been running together on Mondays and I've been trying to run when I can on my own, and we are making great progress.  The last run (3.1 mi) we did was 37:15, which is my fastest time yet by far.  Jami is so great at pushing me and she really helps me to keep the pace up and keep going.  She doesn't let me stop :)  And it's working!

So today was the Color Mania 5K.  It was a BLAST!  I was in such a funk this week, especially yesterday, and to be honest I didn't even feel like getting out of bed.  But I did, and I went and met my friend this morning, we headed out and we rocked it!  I am especially proud of her because she hadn't run a full 5K in awhile, and she ran the ENTIRE thing, AND we finished in 39:15 which is awesome!  It was so special and so nice to share that experience together.  On top of that, we had a fantastic time!  It was a great run, a fun experience, awesome people and we looked hilariously fantastic afterwards LOL.  Here are some pics for proof! ;)

Before!!!

 

At the finish line!  We rock!!!

 

Paint cloud!!

 

Us in the paint cloud LOL :)  I love this girl!!

 

 

I may or may not have rolled around on the ground :)

 

I also may or may not have dumped a paint packet on my friend's back ;) hehe

 

Loved it!!!!

 

 

 

 

So I honestly feel like this race today helped me get my fitness mojo back!  I felt that runners/race day high all day today and I am so excited for the next one.  My friend and I have an Electric Run later this month and I'm so pumped!  And then the Color Run with Jami next month too.  I'm even thinking about looking up some more for later in the summer.  I really am feeling that excitement back...the feeling that you get when you're doing things right and you're getting stronger.  I've been really happy with my training, my running with Jami and all that and I really feel like I've been making good progress (a couple months ago I couldn't even THINK about getting a 5K in under 40, no way!).  I am feeling that focus again and it feels good!!

Freezing Time

I am really sorry that I haven't posted lately.  Life has been crazy and there have been a million things going on.  I have been a little stressed with everything and just haven't taken the time to write.  Tonight, I am actually not getting on to write about my weight loss or my health journey at all.  I will share though that I won my contest!!  I will write more about that in a separate post soon, but I thought I should at least announce that news.  I'm so happy with myself and so excited that all my hard work paid off. :)  Yay!

This week has been so emotional for me.  My 4 year old's birthday is in late September so we have decided to wait another year before he starts kindergarten.  He has been in an awesome preschool program the last 2 years through a child center that one of my best friends owns.  This fall he will be starting a full time Pre-K program at a different center in our area, and he will start summer camp at the new place in a week or so to get used to it before school starts.  His last day at his preschool was today and his little graduation ceremony was last night.  SO adorable!  I have a lot of anxiety with the change (I don't do well with the unknown) as we are both so comfortable where he is.  Because I am so close to the owner, I know all the staff and teachers extremely well and consider them good friends.  So I guess I feel like that makes it a little harder.  The worst part is when Ian gets sad that he won't see his friends anymore.  I tell him he will make lots of new ones, and he seems okay with that.  I am thankful that he is more excited than nervous, and I'm definitely not letting him get any sense of my emotions about the situation.  Trust me friends, I know that everyone with kids goes through this.  I also know I am more emotional than a lot of people.  I am ok with that, I just need to work through it.  Simply put, the reality is that I just don't want him to grow up.  I want to keep him my little boy forever.  He brightens every single one of my days and I want to keep him home with me, I don't want him gone all day every day.  I just want to have a pause button on life.  I want to soak in a few more moments of this little boy before he isn't so little anymore. 

The other thing that is pulling on my heartstrings this week is that my sweet little baby boy is turning one on Sunday.  How did this happen!?  I promise I just brought him home from the hospital a few weeks ago!  I look at him standing up next to me, clutching the edge of the chair, grinning his toothy grin at me and I am astounded at the speed at which this year has flown by.  I have thought a lot about his birthday the past month or so and I haven't gotten emotional at all (I was a WRECK when Ian turned one) but all of a sudden I am so overwhelmed with feeling.  This life is so quick, so uncontrolled, it is astonishing to me.  I want to grab them both, sit them on my lap, rest their little boy heads on my shoulders and wrap their sweet tiny arms around my neck and keep them there, cuddling them and just holding on to them like that, trying to memorize the feeling of them right now.  Every moment they are older, each second they are not the same as they were the moment before.  I am afraid that tomorrow I will blink and they will be grown.  It is unbelievable how quickly our lives unfold in front of us. 

I wish I could freeze time.  I would hold these sweet little beautiful boys in my arms forever.

Holy cow it's been a month?!?!

I have been meaning to get back here and write a post for so long, and time just kept getting away from me.  I've been so busy, and then I kept having more and more things I wanted to post about that I started getting overwhelmed with the thought of catching up! LOL!  So here I am...get ready for a big post of rambling and random thoughts!!

Soooo, I am doing really great!  My last post I was struggling SOOO bad with getting under 200.  It was driving me insane!  Well, finally, on the morning of April 20th I weighed myself and saw this.....

I pretty much cried.  I saw that number for about 5 days in 2007 (I immediately started to gain weight back and the rest is history) and before that I can't remember how long it had been.  Probably sometime in 2003 or 2004.  I got married in 2002 and started gaining weight shortly after.  Haven't really been in the 100's since the first year or so I was married.  It is almost surreal.  It is also coincidentally my drivers license weight. :)  I am so excited to see a number that doesn't start with a 2...it feels like I won the lottery!

So that was a few weeks ago, and seeing that number really got me pumped up for the last couple weeks of my 90 day challenge.  Final weigh-in was May 11th and I was really focused on winning!! :)  I really tried to be as perfect as possible with the eating and water (TONS of water!) and I also stepped up my workouts a bit.  With Jami and Aaron's encouragement I did a few new things in that department.  We did another 5K run (this time in 40:50!! Woo hoo!! Can't wait for a sub 40;) as well as some treadmill runs on my own.  Aaron took me out one session for some crossfit type stuff...I got to push/pull the prowler for the first time AND flip tires for the first time!  Along with some hill runs (UGH!) and some box jumps (onto the tire!! Woot woot!!) it was an AWESOME workout!!  Finally, in last week of the competition Jami and I jogged over to the local high school to run bleachers.

Let me just say that even the stairmill is a challenge for me...I don't know why but stairs are just really hard for me.  I was really excited to run the bleachers, but I quickly learned that I was totally unprepared for their difficulty.  We started off and I was pretty strong at first, but just a couple flights later I was winded and so short of breath.  At one point I even started to panic a little because I felt like I just couldn't breath.  Jami is so incredibly supportive and kind.  I was struggling but she was totally encouraging.  We got the breathing under control and pushed on.  A little while later (we would do the bleachers through down one direction, then run the track, do some stretchy/lungey stuff on the field, then start bleachers again) we were about halfway through the bleachers the second time I started to get into my head.  My legs were aching and my breathing was so labored...I just started to go to that bad place I do when things get really rough.  When I struggle, I find that there is a fine line between feeling that crazy motivation (yeah! I can do this!  I'm gonna kick ass!!) and the place where I just totally start to beat myself up.  I start getting pissed off at myself...I start thinking "well, here you are, you wouldn't even have to be doing this right now if you hadn't let yourself get so fat!!" and "of course you can't breath, look at you! You can't do this!!".  All that nasty mean crap that I used to hear in my head all the time.  It just really started to get to me.  I'm not going to lie, I had a little mini-breakdown.  Coming down the stairs I just started to cry...I couldn't help it.  And God love Jami, that sweet girl, my friend, she put her arm around me and just let me.  We had a little talk and I got it out, let it pass and you know what?  I felt better.  I think that that workout was just so new and so challenging...it was just so hard for me, you know?  And I just had to work through that to get past it and move on.  It's been a long time since I have felt defeated or so emotional in a workout...this was just a reminder of where I came from and how far I've come.  I'm glad it happened because I feel like now I am even more capable and more ready for even harder challenges...I am excited to get better at these things...to face them instead of fear them.  It really had little to do with the physical challenge of the bleachers and all to do with the mental journey this has been and continues to be.  I am proud that with Jami's help I got past it, continued the workout, and even did the bleachers through one more time  (albeit pretty slow haha:).

So....yesterday was the big weigh-in.  I had been so excited/anxious/pumped/nervous/lots of other emotions about the whole thing so I was ecstatic that the day was finally here.  My ultimate goal when I started was (well, to win, but otherwise...) to get under 200 pounds.  I am SO proud and excited and happy to tell you that I weighed in at 191.4.  That, my friends, is a 35.2 pound, 15.5% weight loss in 90 days.  It's so funny because for a week or two I was stuck right at 30 give or take a pound, but Aaron kept telling me, it's going to be 35.  I kept telling him not to hold his breath because I didn't want him to be disappointed!!  But lo and behold, he was right.  I don't know yet if I won the contest or not, we should find out in a day or two hopefully (I can't wait to find out!!!!), but either way I am SO happy with my results.  Jami took before and after pictures and I really was shocked at the differences.  When you look at yourself every day in the mirror, it's harder to tell differences but looking at 2 pictures side by side, 90 days apart, the changes stand out.  Here they are:

 

 

 

So that's the last couple weeks.  I'm going to really try to post more often as I've obviously been slacking pretty good on the blog front.  I am going to be shifting my focus the next few weeks to working on my running as I have a couple 5K's coming up in June and July and I REALLY want to be running under 40 minutes by then (what can I say, I'm a slow runner!).  I also will be concentrating on my September goal of 161 (although that is so far away, I may make another mini-goal for before then!). 

Sorry this turned into a book...I guess that's what happens when I don't write for a month!  Lots more I want to post about but I'll save it for another day.  Hope everyone has a fantastic week! :)

Happy Weekend Friends!

So the hubby just headed out with Ian for a bit, and the baby is actually content in his swing for the moment so I thought I would try a quick update.  This week has been so crazy...I've been meaning to get on and post but the days have just flown by this week. 

First, the frustrating.  I am STILL sitting at around 202.  Grrrrr!  I feel like my body is absolutely refusing to go under 200.  I have done pretty awesome this week but no dice.  My trainer friends go on vacation on Tuesday and I really really wanted to be under by the time they leave but I don't see it.  I will tell you, if I'm not under 200 by the time they get back I will be a raging lunatic (more than normal haha).  But I am SURE I will be.  I am drinking so much water I am going to float away, I've had some AWESOME workouts and my food has been pretty great.  I know it will happen...hopefully this stall is just a sign of a BIG drop coming....the 90 day has exactly 4 weeks left from today so hopefully in the next couple days my body will realize what it's supposed to be doing here and I'll see the WOOSH in the scale that I've been waiting for. (thanks for the term Desiree' ! :)  I can't be TOO upset about the weight though because....

my clothes are fitting awesome!!!  Yesterday I was so excited...I wore a 14/16 shirt that was totally comfy and not even form fitting and my new size 16 jeans...and they were almost loose!!  I can't even believe it.  So even though my numbers are being stubborn I know I am making progress.  It feels so good to put on an outfit and actually not hate how I look.  Not at all saying that happens every day, but when it does it feel so amazing!

So Monday Jami and I headed outside for my cardio workout.  We ended up trying my first outdoor 5k (at least my first one in a looonnnngggg time LOL) and I did it!!  It took me 42:48 but I did it!  And that is a lot quicker than my normal just over 45 that it takes me on the treadmill.  Having Jami there DEFINITELY saved me because it was rough.  She kept us on a relatively flat route but there were still some small hills and some wind, and it was definitely WAYYY different from my normal 1% incline, set pace run, inside.  And another small victory on that front...I did it without my music!  We both brought headphones in case I needed the push but I ended up not even getting them out.  It was awesome. :)  The first mile I really didn't think I was going to be able to do it but once I got over that hump it was good!  Jami is definitely a wonderful cheerleader...I probably would have just said screw it if she weren't there pushing me.   It made me realize how much I really miss running outside.  The weather is finally starting to be a bit nicer...I'm looking forward to a spring and summer of nice pretty outside runs!

I can't believe I managed to get this down without Luke waking up.  Off to try to get something else accomplished.  Have a great weekend friends!!