Freezing Time

I am really sorry that I haven't posted lately.  Life has been crazy and there have been a million things going on.  I have been a little stressed with everything and just haven't taken the time to write.  Tonight, I am actually not getting on to write about my weight loss or my health journey at all.  I will share though that I won my contest!!  I will write more about that in a separate post soon, but I thought I should at least announce that news.  I'm so happy with myself and so excited that all my hard work paid off. :)  Yay!

This week has been so emotional for me.  My 4 year old's birthday is in late September so we have decided to wait another year before he starts kindergarten.  He has been in an awesome preschool program the last 2 years through a child center that one of my best friends owns.  This fall he will be starting a full time Pre-K program at a different center in our area, and he will start summer camp at the new place in a week or so to get used to it before school starts.  His last day at his preschool was today and his little graduation ceremony was last night.  SO adorable!  I have a lot of anxiety with the change (I don't do well with the unknown) as we are both so comfortable where he is.  Because I am so close to the owner, I know all the staff and teachers extremely well and consider them good friends.  So I guess I feel like that makes it a little harder.  The worst part is when Ian gets sad that he won't see his friends anymore.  I tell him he will make lots of new ones, and he seems okay with that.  I am thankful that he is more excited than nervous, and I'm definitely not letting him get any sense of my emotions about the situation.  Trust me friends, I know that everyone with kids goes through this.  I also know I am more emotional than a lot of people.  I am ok with that, I just need to work through it.  Simply put, the reality is that I just don't want him to grow up.  I want to keep him my little boy forever.  He brightens every single one of my days and I want to keep him home with me, I don't want him gone all day every day.  I just want to have a pause button on life.  I want to soak in a few more moments of this little boy before he isn't so little anymore. 

The other thing that is pulling on my heartstrings this week is that my sweet little baby boy is turning one on Sunday.  How did this happen!?  I promise I just brought him home from the hospital a few weeks ago!  I look at him standing up next to me, clutching the edge of the chair, grinning his toothy grin at me and I am astounded at the speed at which this year has flown by.  I have thought a lot about his birthday the past month or so and I haven't gotten emotional at all (I was a WRECK when Ian turned one) but all of a sudden I am so overwhelmed with feeling.  This life is so quick, so uncontrolled, it is astonishing to me.  I want to grab them both, sit them on my lap, rest their little boy heads on my shoulders and wrap their sweet tiny arms around my neck and keep them there, cuddling them and just holding on to them like that, trying to memorize the feeling of them right now.  Every moment they are older, each second they are not the same as they were the moment before.  I am afraid that tomorrow I will blink and they will be grown.  It is unbelievable how quickly our lives unfold in front of us. 

I wish I could freeze time.  I would hold these sweet little beautiful boys in my arms forever.