And so it begins...

My first blog post! Woo hoo. It's so strange to be doing this...not sure what to say or where to start. My goal with this site is just to be open and honest and to just let it all out. So thanks to whoever may read this and here goes...

Just signed up for WW online about ten minutes ago. Been there and done that but this time is different. I know, the fat girl who's been on a million diets says "this time is different'. Haha right? Well, we'll see who has the last laugh I guess. I've done it all...WW, low cal, Atkins, starving myself, Optifast, etc. etc. and here I am at 240 some odd pounds. Yo-yo dieting at it's best folks. But life has changed for me. I now have a son. And therein lies the difference.

WW is truly a plan I believe in and one that is very successful for me. This is the beginning of the rediscovery, the new me, the search for who I am MEANT to be. This person I have become is NOT what I am supposed to be...I was not meant to be this huge person, this unhealthy, lazy, unmotivated slob (which unfortunately what I have grown to see myself as...which again is NOT how I was ever meant to think of myself!). I have lost all feeling of worth for myself...when I look in the mirror I don't see a smart, sincere, compassionate, pretty girl, I see someone that is just a shadow of who she once was. I think back 8 to 10 years ago when I was in college and I remember feeling like I was going to BE someone...I was going to do something important and make a mark in this world. Instead I have gone down a road I never expected, I have lost myself, my dreams and my love for life right along with it. And for several years now I have wallowed in pity for that...for that lost love, for that missing sense of self worth and pride. But enough. I am stopping the walk down this dark road and turning around. I am going back the other way.

My son's name is Ian and to be cliche' as hell, he is my pride and joy. And he has caused this. He has started this new journey for me...this path to rediscovery. He is my son and I owe him a mother that is healthy and happy, with herself and her life. I owe him a healthy future and a life with a mother that has joy and energy and endurance and who sets good examples and who truly loves not only him with all her heart, but herself as well. So it's time. Here I go.